Lessons in love

 Growing up I daydreamed endlessly about my one ‘true love’, I made up scenarios in my head inspired by the numerous romantic films I watched and books I read. I fantasized about the perfect “meet cute”, the perfect date and my 'prince charming'. And because I clearly have too much time on my hands, I even planned my proposal…everything was thought of right to the littlest detail. If my friends are reading this I know they’re rolling their eyes and probably begging me to spare you the details of this ridiculous but well thought out proposal so lucky you I guess! My limited experiences in the love department have been a laughable contrast to the perfect daydreams and wishful hopes I had about love. One would think that a girl like me who constantly has her head in the clouds and is busy planning proposals *sans the actual fiancé would have many eligible suitors lining up to ask her hand in marriage -she said, sarcastically.

 Pre- university, my love life consisted of a shameful number of unrequited crushes and one of the things that kept my spirits up was that when I got to uni, I would find the love of my life and be happily married by 23. Please laugh with me guys!!! Well I think it goes without saying that my dreams were brutally shattered by the reality of male-female interactions at university but I still clung on to the hope that I would find ‘the one’…well in my first year at least. By my second year, I started to come to my senses a bit and more importantly I was starting to realise that my desperate need to be loved had led me to make poor choices. Looking back now I realise that I settled a lot and I don’t mean this in a superficial way. What I mean is, because I was so excited to make a connection and be in a relationship I didn’t take time to separate the wheat from the chaff. I was getting a lot more attention than I got while I was at college and I took all the attention unfiltered. Although I didn’t see it back then what I was doing was basically just entertaining anyone who even looked in my direction. It never occurred to me that maybe their intentions weren’t pure, I was naïve and lacking in experience and instead of taking my mother’s advice ,like all mature teens approaching adulthood I thought I knew best.

 As I matured in my second and final year, I made fewer stupid choices as I started to understand that I was already loved- by God, my family and my friends. Yes, it was the unromantic kind but it finally dawned on me that all this time I had been chasing poor imitations of love, I already had the real thing. I am surrounded by people who are kind, patient, generous and understanding, people who look out for me and want the best for me. And that's what real love is all about right? So why was I punishing myself by hanging out with a bunch of dudes who treated me in the opposite way? Why did I lower my standards and accept unkindness and selfishness? Why did I let them get away with things I would not tolerate from my closest friends? *side note* why do we do that? Why do we have high standards for family and friends but lose common sense when it comes to the opposite sex? Honestly, I don’t know. I guess in some warped sense I thought my life would be complete once I got a boyfriend and finally had someone to call my own. Like it was some sort of accomplishment or something…does that make sense?

 In the (almost) one year since graduating, I’ve learnt a lot about myself. There has been a copious amount of soul searching, reflection and conversations with God - the perks of having more free time.  For one thing I am aware that God didn’t put me on this earth for the sole purpose of being someone's 'bae' or 'Mrs Somebody' . Like everybody else I have a purpose and path I’m meant to follow and God has blessed me with talents which are supposed to aid me in achieving this. Whilst it is God’s desire for us to find our life partners and be happy, that is just one of the many plans he has for our lives.
Sunnies- Bershka | Denim Jacket- Thrifted | Top- Thrifted|   Skirt- Primark | Tights- Primark | Trainers- eBay
Furthermore, it’s finally occurred to me that perhaps I’m meant to be single right now after all in Ecclesiastes 3 it says “to everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven” and I believe that applies to our relationship status as well. If I didn’t take this time to enjoy my singleness how would I be able to heal and break out of destructive habits? How would I be able to learn about myself and work on changing those less desirable traits of mine that could harm a good relationship? I’m only 23 and yes, I’m an adult but an inexperienced one who still has a great deal of growing and learning to do so I think that should be my main focus for now. After all it's not like the earth is suddenly going to run out of men!

I'm still a hopeless romantic at heart but now I'm one who is willing to wait patiently for her 'happily ever after'.

Thanks for reading guys!
Until next time, take care and God bless xoxo

*sans- french for without



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