Why am I beautifully unfabulous?


For as long as I can remember, I've always struggled with self confidence issues and insecurities- I was (and sometimes still am) critical of my appearance, always constantly checking mirrors not because I was checking my self out but just to make sure I didn't look ugly or fat or any other thing that would allow people to make fun of me. It didn't matter what anyone said to me, I just couldn't see what everyone else was seeing and at times I didn't even want to be given compliments because I felt like they were lies and I didn't want them to give me any false sense of confidence. Totally silly I know but when that irrational part of your mind gets going it's sometimes hard to think straight.
I've always had a full, curvy figure and in the midst of my friends who usually have slimmer bodies and longer legs, I always felt like the one who was overly massive! Even now, I get quite upset at times when my friends walk around our flat in their underwear with literally zero belly fat and no cellulite and I'm there thinking "must be nice not having to worry about chafing thighs or having to suck your belly in for every photo" and even though they've told me many times that I have nothing to be insecure about and that "loads of people will kill for my body" I still find it really hard to accept that. 
The thing is if anyone met me they would never believe that this is how I feel/felt because I walk around with a lot of faux confidence in the hope that one day it will actually become true self confidence. 
This lack of self confidence and insecurity  problem is self inflicted, by that I mean, I've never actually been called ugly or fat (to my face at least) or any other name for that matter: when I thought about this, that's when my irrational thoughts started to disappear slowly ( but still creep up every now and again) and I realized that I had been putting unnecessary pressure on myself to be this image of perfection I thought I needed to reach but that's silly because that doesn't exist and I'm finally realising that now. Everyone has something they hate about themselves or wish they could change and while I'm busy hating the way I look, someone else is thinking "she doesn't know how good she's got it" and vice versa. I also love that we are at the point where everyone is starting to embrace what they look like, flaws and all; its definitely helped me in fighting my insecurities, like I look in the mirror now and I'm like okay so yeah your body isn't tightly toned but its still cute and soooo not the end of the world. I'm finally realizing that these "flaws" and "imperfections" are actually what make us who we are, they're what make us beautiful (totally cheesy I know, but honestly its so true!). So I embrace all the things that make me unfabulous and I think they're great, lovely, BEAUTIFUL and I really think its so important for all of us to love ourselves unconditionally especially because we are precious and beautiful in God's eyes and of course we are...He made us!

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